“You Are Not Writing” — A Conversation with Myself
You are not writing. You are staring at the screen going back and forth between the blank page and googling various writing workshops, rearranging your dog on your lap, then getting up to make another cup of coffee.
You are not writing. You are worrying about money and how long the cash in your account will last from your freelance gig so you don’t have to dig into savings.
You are not writing. You are thinking about why you breezed through enough waving red flags to start a car wash but it took moving into the same house and finding yourself in real danger to finally leave.
You are not writing. You are thinking about how this house definitely needs a deep clean, but you don’t have the energy. You have to write!
You are not writing. Your dog is standing up now licking your face. He has to go out or maybe he’s telling you he went on the rug earlier and please don’t be mad.
You are not writing. You are checking LinkedIn for writing opportunities that pay what brand strategy jobs paid you. (Yeah, good luck with that.)
You are not writing. You are being interrupted by your ego tapping you on the shoulder asking, ‘is this the kind of writing you really want to be doing, lady?’ What about those two lofty novels you have in progress?’
You are not writing. Maybe it’s the house or the desk or, it’s really cold in here, maybe I just need to go to a coffee shop if I want to get REAL writing done.
Goddamnit he did poop on the rug.
You are not writing. You are sitting in Starbucks watching a mom give her 2-year-old snack choices and listening to an older man project his voice across the restaurant announcing his startups latest round of funding as a younger man nods along impishly and bites into a sandwich.
You are not writing. You are thinking about how gone is not forgotten and even after you cut all contact the pain and anger sits right there with you like a second lap dog, except this one keeps chasing its tale.
You are not writing. Except you are. You are writing right now and letting what is in your head flow out no matter if it’s not your novel, your words of wisdom or a confirmation of your expertise. You’re not at the peak of any mountain of enlightenment but you are definitely writing, you’re writing like mad, and that’s a start.
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